PARODY: The Witches of Trump Tower

You’ve heard of the Witches of Salem, well, this story is about the “Witches of Trump Tower.” You may have heard of the tweets emerging from the cell phone of the maniac from the Oval Office…

“You are witnessing the single greatest WITCH HUNT in American political history – led by some very bad and conflicted people!” 4:57 AM-15 Jun 2017.

Now you probably think the witch hunt Trump is talking about is the allegation that he obstructed justice by interfering in the investigation against him that he was in collusion with the Russians to slant the 2016 election in his favor. Fired James Comey for just that reason. Well, you would be wrong. Donald Trump has a real witch problem that he would rather not talk about because he has lost control and for once in his life, he is scared of something he no longer has domination over and it threatens to destroy him. The Trump Tower witches are more powerful than he is and by usurping his power, have labeled him the fraud that he is.

What T-rump is not telling you in these tweets, nor has he ever mentioned this to anyone in his organization or family…Trump Tower is bewitched. Back in the early 1800s, this property at 56th street and Fifth Avenue was a three-story walk-up with three peculiar old spinsters who read Tarot cards living on the top floor. They were known all over New York city and were patronized regularly by the rich and famous. Many of their fans believed whole-heartedly that their success was derived entirely from these sorcerers of Fifth Avenue. Thus, they were protected by law enforcement and all the powers that be. But, little did they know the fate of their geography.

New York city was growing at a rapid rate, especially Manhattan where the sorcery sisters lived, when the wealthy folk decided that part of Fifth Avenue was where they wanted to live. All of a sudden, the old gals’ protection evaporated and was replaced by a rich New York family that decided to build their mansion right where the trio was living. The three-story walk-up was demolished, but unknown to the wrecking crew, the sisters had hidden away in a secret compartment they had devised and were killed in the destruction. As the building crumbled away below them, they put a magic spell on the property that condemned anyone building anything there to eternal chaos and failure.

The mansion stood for several years as an extravagant example of the prosperous Manhattan upper-class that was a precursor to what Fifth Avenue was to become. But then one night in a major thunderstorm, lightning struck the edifice and it burned to the ground with all the family in it. The ruins were allowed to remain for at least a decade until an exclusive department store decided to build on the property, which was the beginning of commercial construction on the avenue. Then the store fell on hard times and was forced to close its doors in the mid-1970s. It was then that a real estate tycoon by the name of Donald Trump bought the building for his temple of excess.

In 1979 work began on Trump Tower with a series of work stoppages that could only be attributed to mysterious sightings, most of which were seen by workers many stories up on the scaffolding. Some were startled, lost their balance and fell to the ground. Other incidents included steel girders that bent like rubber when stepped on resulting in the laborers slipping and careening through the network of iron. The main concern was completion on time so the work continued until the tower was done and ready for occupancy. During construction, Trump even decided to destroy historically important sculptures from the torn down building wanted by the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

In 1983 tenants began to move in with Donald Trump, of course, in the penthouse. The evidence of witchcraft was immediate. Pentagrams on the floor, voodoo dolls showing up on the furniture, and a witch’s cauldron placed in the pantry of the head chef. People associated with these happenings promptly resigned requiring regular rehiring of staff. The personnel tending to Trump’s every need were scared; some claiming they had seen witches lurking in hallways and in closets. Trump Tower was in chaos and there didn’t seem to be anything anyone could do about it. The reigning emperor decided he must launch a witch hunt, and hired private eye, Anthony Pellicano.

Pellicano was a former high-profile Los Angeles private investigator who served a term of thirty months in a federal prison for illegal possession of explosives, firearms and homemade grenades. He also served time for racketeering and wiretapping. One of the guys, just what Donald Trump needed. But then the witching sisters went into hiding, meaning Pellicano had nothing to find. After a couple of years, Trump gave up and fired the private eye. A few years went by with no problems, then, bam! there they were again, the symbols of black magic, this time with a message to T-rump: ‘You will become the most powerful man in the world but your experience will end in disaster.’

That ended the bewitching and Trump decided he would go with just half of the message, the power part, which made him more arrogant and sure of himself, if that was possible. He ran for President of the United States in 2016 and…won? Now, he thought, I’ll get away from those damn witches when I move into the White House, so off to Washington he went and immediately started playing president. But it didn’t work. This wasn’t like running an empire where the underlings lived in fear of their master. The people of the U.S. Capital weren’t afraid of Donald Trump, but he could handle this if being here would help elevate the Trump brand.And then one morning he walked into the Oval Office, ready to start a day of tweets, when he was terrified by what he saw. There were the three witches, sitting on his couch, as if they belonged there. They were busy providing Kellyanne Conway with some alternative facts.. T-rump knew it was over.

 

 

 

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